thinking about my future in nursing has been a frequent activity on the bus journey home for the past few days... being in the clinical side might not be what i want for the long term, and i don't even think i can stay long. i don't like doctors tapping on my shoulder and asking for case notes or clinical charts; i don't like kitchen staff and housekeeper pestering me for non-urgent information when i'm busy; i don't like working with HOs who talk to nurses rudely and hang up our calls. i don't like how the hospital is being managed like a hotel; i don't like how things are not changed even if it has been voiced out.

i dislike how the recent batch of HOs has been treating the nurses rudely. ok, i don't mind if you scold if it's nurses' fault, but some things are really beyond our control. do you think i really want to call you to set a plug/take bloods? i feel useless myself for not being able to do these things. being in a backward (or over-protective, in a nicer way) hospital, i feel handicapped and embarrassed for not being able to do these. i wish i could, so that i won't need to listen to your rude reply. i wish i could order simple medicine and drips, so that i won't need to call you when my patient is having cough, runny nose, pain. there're just too many limitations we're facing.

i dislike being a degree nurse with no experience, because certain colleagues happen to have some extra time to do extra things beyond their JD. perhaps they have not adapted to singapore's meritocracy system.

i dislike how the hospital has been focusing on ways to improve the service. it's good to know that the patients appreciate the doctors and nurses. i like the word "appreciate", because it feels sincere to me. but it's really a bit over when the management set up prizes, awards, and now even bonus to encourage staff to ask patients to compliment them in the feedback form. "it's internationally recognised, so you all must really put in the effort!" Oh, and Service Quality and Service from the Heart sessions? i've attended one and i think it's enough. i'm sorry, these are really a waste of time to me. Service from the Heart, i don't need you to teach me on that. and i still prefer the word patient to client.

i dislike how the management is ignoring (or still unaware of) the problems we're facing. i dislike and don't understand how they can be so proud of the hospital when there are still so many flaws that has been there for years.

i admit that i also dislike myself for being an incompetent nurse.